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Julien Sorel has taken me hostage

20.March.2024

It's your favorite irregular poster back on my bullshit to share an update on my year of the vibe. First of all things are going great, it really feels like every day I am getting more free in my mind. I am doing things for myself and not really worrying about even a quarter of the things I did before. At this rate I do not think I will ever go back to school. Unless I get into a much better place overall, I don't think it's worth it for me. I have 0 desire and I still don't know how many essays I want to publish anymore.

But you know what is way more exciting that than? THE RED AND THE BLACK by fucking Stendhal. After years of not quite wanting to pick it up, I finally fucking did it. And boy my brain has become a rotten sludge! I am a tried and true lesbian, I do not really care about fictional men outside of when they are sad little tragedy men. And yet, and fucking yet!!!!!! I am constantly reading this book and having to set it down like 'oh dear this Julien Sorel is so charming' I do not know what is wrong with me. I just finished Book One and am officially about halfway through. It is rotting holes into my brain I have never felt so unwell reading something. So stay tuned for whatever this causes. It's already made me lose my goddamn mind and start writing my most horrific EL HALCON fanfiction I ever have. If you hate yourself enough to read it, it's here.

Anyway when I'm not sitting around wistfully thinking of Julien Sorel all day I've also been watching a disgusting amount of theatre. I won't go on my soapbox about Takarazuka here but I have a very complicated realationship with that company. And through a series of unfortunate events I have now ended up paying attention to it again because the actress whose fan club I used to be in is somehow still there. And I have fallen back into this club for better or worse until she retires in 4935834953 years. If I retire before she does I will eat a shoe.

I also have watched some theatre in person that's been very good. I'll probably talk more about that next month so I'll spare the page space for now. I've also been crafting and just kind of hanging out in general. I feel equally very productive and also like I've done nothing all year. I'm glad, it is much better than a stack of papers and zero memories outside of my studies for months.

Til next time! I'm going back to thinking about Julien Sorel!